Remember that one time when I blogged on this site?

I am switching my fasting from coffee to vampires for Lent. It sounds silly, but you would be surprised how much time I devote to writing Vampire: The Masquerade fan fiction. I am always thinking about character creations, stories to write, reading books from the VtM novels, playing the computer game. I have vampire tee shirts, pins, True Blood soda in the basement refrigerator, and so forth. (When it comes to most things, I tend to either really like it or really hate it, but I don’t tend toward neutral opinions.)

            It was wearing on me though to be so focused on fictional creatures and an alternate reality. I had goals for myself to read the Bible and pray more often because I know that my relationship with God has been lagging. I am doing inquiry in RCIA right now and I am trying to read through the catechism, the Bible, and do other spiritual reading (especially on the spirituality of Saint Therese of Lisieux) because I know that all feeds my knowledge of the Church and nourishes my heart. Instead, I knew that I was wasting so much time playing vampire.

            My original reasons for being so interested in vampires was the theological questioning behind it: the salvation of a vampire, the nature of their soul, the nature of their life and death. I have always found writing to bring me closer to God because I use it to work through a lot of existential topics in an intrapersonal way and then reflect it back in literary format. That is why, even as I discern a call to Carmelite religious life, I know that I would have to write if I were there. The inability to write would mean I wasn’t being called because I am convinced that God wants me to write.

            This wasn’t bringing me closer to God though. With its alternate history and, somewhat, alternate theology, I was more trying to reconcile my Catholic faith with the World of Darkness universe. I have known that I at least needed to take a break from it because I felt double-minded and hated it because I want to be wholehearted for God.

            I’m not saying that Vampire: the Masquerade is terrible and that nobody should play it. I’m just saying that, for me, I knew that it was what I should give up because I knew that was what would most spiritually benefit me and I didn’t. But I know now that I am going to.