I am moving into an apartment. Until now, I have been staying with my Mom and my stepdad at their house so that I could save money for community college to finish my associate of the arts degree. Then I started just working part-time, taking an indefinite break from school because I got in a bad habit of frittering away my money on things like Democratic buttons for my messenger back, MP3, books, and never really recovered from that.
But no more! Because now I am going to be moving into an apartment and saving all my money to spend on things like rent, electricity, Internet, food, has, household needs, and my cat. I always imagined that, when I was 23, I would have graduated from college, started my career, gotten married, and be settling into a house in the suburbs. I thought my life would be grounded. Instead, I am going to be working shifts at Hallmark and using all my money on practical things.
But the complex is nice. It has a clubhouse with a tanning bed that I will never use because it causes skin cancer and because that was what was used to kill a girl in Final Destination 3 (I know that without ever seeing the movie). There is a pool that is open seasonally and I might use it even though I’m not much for swimming usually. There is also an exercise room. I’m usually not disciplined about exercising but I might use it so that I can listen to music and introvert when I need quiet time because I rooming with two friends from the church that I used to attend here in Salem.
This makes being a Catholic require more fortitude. Both of my roommates go to the church that I used to attend and are very involved. They are part of the children’s ministry that I used to volunteer with; in fact, when I met them to organize how we would pay for things, do chores, and so forth, we met at the church. It was the first time I had been there in nearly a year and everything came back to me as second nature. My feet wanted to lead me down the hall to the children’s room to take part in teaching the small groups. I loved helping kids see how they could apply their faith to everyday life, like choosing to be nice to the kids that everyone else excluded or doing what was right even if it meant standing out as the only one not compromising what was right. At the church, everything is so routine to me: praise and worship, the preaching with the outline sheets for you to take notes on (and often the fill-in words all start with the same letter).
Both of them are going to Corban University, which is the school that had the only creative writing program I honestly fell in love with and that makes me feel like I am missing out because I can picture myself taking those classes, being part of that beautiful campus, and now I can see my friends doing that and I’m not.
There was a boy I had a crush on from the summer before freshman year until...well, it never really ended. I still like him, but I don’t have that same giddy and infatuated feeling. That feeling cooled off, but I still see in him all the traits that I have desired in a spouse. He was the son of the youth pastor at the evangelical Protestant church I attended when I lived in Monmouth. Now I am going to Saint Joseph Catholic Church and I rarely ever see him around, but he is still part of my twin sister’s circle because she still attends the Monmouth church we grew up in. He’s being friendlier to her and my sister suspects that he likes her, but really likes me except that I’m Catholic and my twin sister isn’t. I think the situation is a bummer, but I don’t want to be the girl who gives up who she is called to be for a boy.
I suppose I originally imagined that my friends might not want to hang out with me anyone once I started attending the Catholic Church. I figured I would start a new church, have to make new friends, and I would have a new life. Instead I find that I am the one who has changed, nobody else really has, and I have to integrate all of this into the life from my childhood, adolescence, and early young adulthood.
But I am almost near the Rite of Welcoming in RCIA. I have come so far in studying the Catholic Answers Bible for new Catholics, my Catholic youth Bibles, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, Youcat, other spiritual reading, attending Mass, talking to my Tumblr Catholic friends, and all of it adds up to a paradigm change. I feel like I have the full gospel in my hands and I can’t remove the Church or Marian devotion or the saints or anything else that Protestants deem as “extras” and Catholics see as part of the whole faith. In Carrie Underwood lyrics “that would be like pouring raindrops back into a cloud.”
This is where I am right now. I am hoping that I am making the right decision here because I am excited to move out and to be reunited with people that I haven’t seen for a long time. I’ve felt guilty about the absence because I was the one who pulled back and, from their point of view, I essentially dropped off the planet. Yet I am also hoping that I won’t be getting near an occasion for me to fall away from all that God has been doing in my life.
I have also deleted something like 50 entries of nothing but quiz results. That was ridiculous and I apologize, although I doubt anyone actually read them. I am not limiting myself to one blogthigns quiz at the end of a post (maybe in the middle if is relevant) so as to not spam my blog up.
| Your Fireworks Say You're Original |
 You're so creative, people don't really recognize your creativity. What's expressive for you sometimes looks like a mess. But you don't really care... you enjoy making your messes! |
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